I’ve been home from Chicago for one week and two days now. It’s pretty much taken all of that period for my body to revert back to ‘British Summer Time / BST’. I add it in quotes since so far, our summer has only consisted of longer daylight hours and hardly a hint of actual warmer weather. In fact, according to records, we’ve just had the wettest June in London for 50 years! Easy to believe too, I’m almost certain that we received some proportion of rain every single day of the month.

True to my word, I deleted my OkCupid account. At 11.58pm on Thursday 30 June, I logged in and checked out, for good. I’m not going to say the site was entirely bad, it does seem to carry a few people with a degree of normality but it’s been said before that free-to-use services don’t always attract the most suitable candidates (for either gender). Almost as if it were a parting gift, I read the last message I’d received, a suggestion saying “Let’s have a baby <smiley emoji>”. Yes, without a doubt, it was definitely time to go.

Pretty much back to square one with my journey, starting afresh for July, I’m not in any rush to join another site. Instead, I think I’ll spend some time doing a bit of a self-improvement. Aside from matters of the heart, there are areas of my life which are probably deserving of a bit more attention.

As has been pointed out to me, I’m a little bit, *ahem*, curvier than this time last year. And even more so than two years ago. I’ve also been on a quest to become somewhat of a domestic goddess. Not that I’m trying to mould myself into a 1950’s housewife, it would just be great to be a bit more habitual about some of my tasks at home, better balancing the with work and taking more of a systematic approach rather than only doing things out of necessity. An ex-colleague of mine would wake at 5am Monday to Friday so she could complete her chores before work, leaving the weekends free for virtually almost 100% relaxation. Can’t quite say I’m ready for that level of dedication but certainly, a bit more structure would mean that I can better appreciate the two days that I’m not at work. Also, being a bit of a soppy sentimental sap, items tend to hang around in my home for their nostalgic value, even though they serve no other purpose than to reminisce over on the one or two occasions a year (if that) I actually lay eyes on them. Decluttering is absolutely on the list of non-heart priorities.

With self-improvement in mind, I went to ‘Join The Relationship Revolution’, an event hosted by Stylist Magazine promising to offer an inspiring evening all about nurturing your relationships, of the professional and family kind, as well as romantic. The evening started with a champagne reception, accompanied by some truly tasty canapés (neither of which will aid in the get-less-curvy campaign). The 90 or so attendees were split into groups, then directed into separate rooms and rotated round to hear each of the three guest speakers.

While I don’t feel like I took away any new insights, I did find the whole event reassuring. One speaker had done a survey of the almost all-female audience (literally, only two men) on how many women were in a relationship and happy; how many were partnered but not so happy; how many were currently seeking a partner; and how many were single but loving it. As expected for such an event, most were hoping to meet someone and I felt comforted by this. Of course I know I’m not the only singleton in town – clearly – the number of apps, sites and nights that cater to my kind are testament to that. Yet somewhere along the line, particularly with so many friends who are already settling down, you do start to question, why has this not happened for me too? What am I doing wrong? Have I really gained that much weight?…..

Being among the other women, this collective who had gathered that evening to bring about change in their own lives, was somewhat refreshing (plus, I did get to leave with quite a nice goody bag). As varied as they were, all seemed perfectly personable and were far, far, far from grotesque troll-like creatures who need casting out of town. Just, for whatever reason, had not yet happened upon their partner, like myself. It was the reminder I needed of not being the only one who’s in this predicament. It prodded me to acknowledge that actually, I am already doing everything right, however, as with most changes you try to implement in life, it’s about time and timing.

This all comes back to the self-improvement. In my heart of hearts, I know the extra padding I’ve acquired does slightly impede on my happiness, which perhaps is subconsciously being exuded. Curvy, by all means is good. However, if you don’t love it on you, then an unhappy bunny is less likely to attract a cheerful mate.

While I love the sanctuary of my home, it certainly is housing more items than five people would realistically ever need, let alone just me, so I definitely need to clear some clutter. Firstly, for my own sanity but also for the prospect of making way for someone else to spend some time in my space. Not necessarily in a cohabiting sense but perhaps the excess stuff as a physical blockage, is having an indirect effect on the attraction of love into my home?

Ultimately, I’m beginning to accept that I may not be as 100% ready for welcoming love as I’ve lead myself to believe. I often use the analogy of my little yellow cabin case when I talking about creating oppotunities. January 2014, I saw it in the sale at £29 (apparently from £100) and it was beyond cute! Bright as anything but the style and quality was impressive and seeing as I already owned the large version in black, it would make a suitable addition. So I bought it. Had nowhere to go at the time, no plans whatsoever but I thought it’d be nice if one day, I decided to take a little trip, if I already owned the case, I would have no need to run out and buy one. It lay idle for approximately three months, until I unexpectedly took on a new role at work. Completely out of the blue, I was flying out to Turkey for four days. A few months later I went on a family trip to Barcelona. Some months after that I was in Rome for work again. And then in 2015, my travelling went off the scale. Of the seven times I travelled last year, I left little yellow just once and even then, that was a real last-minute decision to switch to big black!

It’s basically just about being ready really. Like a scout, “be prepared”. Ready and prepared to welcome in Mr XXX to my home, my heart, my life. I’m off to fill a bag for charity right now. Will run in the morning!