I mulled over whether or not this story was worth sharing but actually it makes me smile every time I recall the happenings. I must add, I smile at how laughable the situation was because it’s the kind of story that would typically happen to me. I mentioned the guy I had 3.5 dates with last year, right? Here’s the full account.

His Bumble profile was pretty well put together. Good photos that were well taken in a mixture of settings, nothing obscuring his face, no attempts at overtly sexual expressions, fully clothed and to me, quite handsome. He included an informative yet playful bio, with enough details to show me that we had a fair bit in common and didn’t give off any lothario vibes. Perhaps the thing that I found the most intriguing though, was how much his character seemed to resemble that of Premier Man’s. Of course, at this point I still don’t know either of them personally but this guy’s bio contained so many traits that Premier Man has openly spoken about through his work and to top it off, he also shared the same moniker! Premier Man’s real first name that is. Therefore, let us call this guy PM(ish), as in Premier Man but not quite.

Let me hold up my hands now. The contents of PM(ish)’s profile really did genuinely pique my interest on his own merits. Honestly, it was so refreshing compared to many I had already vetoed and even surpassed most, if not all others that I had swiped yes on. However, from what he had divulged, he almost could’ve been Premier Man undercover. Truly, the similarities were unreal. I’d be lying if I said this outlandishly wild optimism that it would transpire to be the real deal wasn’t part of the appeal but as a standalone profile, he was still definitely better than most.

I can’t quite remember exactly when I matched with PM(ish) but I’d say it was roughly early October. We spoke for about two weeks with fluid interactions that were both insightful and reassuring. We were learning about each other with ease. We both gave away enough about ourselves to gain a further understanding of our personalities and the return of questions demonstrated that we were both interested in exploring further.

But then he went quiet on me. This isn’t unusual for a lot of guys I’d matched with but this incidence did take me by surprise. Our messaging had been lengthy, a trait initiated by him, and I’d thrown out the idea of meeting up, to which he agreed. So it seemed weird to think that someone would exert that much effort if they didn’t intend on following through.

I have my own set of rules for online dating. For me, it’s a way of quickly establishing and filtering out the unworthy and the unbothered. If I ask up to five questions with no return of interest shown, I unmatch. PM(ish) passed this test with flying colours but when it gets to one week and I’m still the last person to have contributed to the conversation, I unmatch and keep it moving. I decided his fate on the eighth day of no contact but then, almost as if he knew he had reached the deadline, he messaged me apologetically. I told him he was very close to being deleted, to which he said he was still very much interested in meeting up and we had our first date a few days later.

We met up for a drink after work on Monday 11 November, which turned out to be a round of 2-4-1 cocktails, resulting in two drinks each from the get go, later topped up with a third. No measures were used in making the drinks so they were quite strong and I needed food to soak up some of the alcohol. Dinner wasn’t in the original plan but we’d been having a nice evening and going for a meal seemed like a natural progression. Overall, it was a good first date, except for a few minor comments that stuck with me from here until the end.

1. He said he had timing issues, as in he tended to get ahead of himself in relationships (for the record, he was very punctual)
2. He mentioned that the frequency of which he was spending time with his daughter had diminished (I have no issues regarding partners with existing children but I am mindful of their existing relationship with both the child and their mother)
3. He asked me “if I was happy that I hadn’t deleted him?”…..not even after three ethanol laced cocktails was I going to entertain telling someone that I’d only just met face to face for the first time, that I was delighted to have the opportunity to be here, especially after point number one

I put my minor concerns down to my overall scepticism of online dating, allowing the regular messaging to resume the very next day and we even scheduled date number two for Saturday, which was in four days’ time.

The following day, now Wednesday 13 November, we spoke on the phone and he asked me to pencil him in for an idea he had on Thursday 19 December. I repeat, Thursday 19 December, as in more than a month away. A promising proposal, maybe, but having not even gone on the second date yet, this felt uncomfortably presumptuous. I was mildly flattered all the same but kept my sceptical cool and said we’d see how things go after date number two.

Saturday 16 November came around and we had a really nice time. We met for a bottomless brunch, applicable to the food as well as the bubbles, carrying on late into the evening with arcade games, concluding with tea in a coffee shop. He accompanied me on the bus to my area and headed onwards to continue his journey home. During the ride, he brought up the December date he had in mind, telling me his work Christmas party was taking place that evening and asked if I’d be his plus one. One of the many topics we’d covered in our messages was work and I knew for a fact that at this point, he’d only been in his job about three whole weeks. I was not at all enthralled at the prospect of committing to being his plus one in a month’s time having only been on two dates, at a work function where he’d been employed for less than a month. I was polite though and said that it sounded like a pleasant evening.

Our third date on the following Thursday was fairly laid back, we simply met for ramen after work and again, it was nice. Previously, I’d pondered about how easy it was to have enjoyed our first two meetings not only because he seemed like a nice guy but partly because there was so much alcohol involved. Not to the point of crawling home but definitely enough to have enhanced the feelings of merriment. The inner sceptic was still lurking though and I seized the opportunity to get to some nitty gritty details under more sober conditions, ironically in a pub but just for the one post-meal drink. I prodded a little further, trying to address some of my niggles. We talked about his daughter and his ex, his current dating life, the Christmas party invite, the dodgy sculpture near our table (a massive horse with a questionable hole).

On the surface, he seemed to be sincere about his intentions towards me but some of it just felt like it was still too soon and partly felt like he was telling me the things I wanted him to say, rather than being the whole truth.

Nevertheless, I wanted to see him again. I was due to meet a friend for brunch on the morning of Sunday 24 November but we agreed to meet afterwards for date number four. I told him I’d take the lead on planning this one but by Saturday evening, the only fixed idea I had was to meet at 5.30pm.

WARNING: The next point may slightly change your view of me…..
Sunday morning arrived and I woke up to a text from a friend but not the one I was due to meet for brunch. This was another friend who’d had an amazing 2019 and as a result of her career climb was due to partake in a panel talk that afternoon – alongside Premier Man! For just a moment, please put yourself in my shoes. How could I pass up the opportunity to go to the panel, especially since my friend was offering to introduce the two of us? Of course, she knows full well that he and I have met before but there’s something very different about the light someone sees you in when you’ve been introduced to them and I was super honoured that she was willing to do this. So I went. I cancelled brunch, I cancelled PM(ish) and I went.

Was it worth it? Who knows! As promised, my friend introduced me to Premier Man, much to his surprise as she explained that she and I have known each other for years (almost 10 for the record) and that she had invited me to come along to the event. After she slipped off, leaving the two of us alone, I briefly apologised to him for our last encounter, which he graciously said I didn’t need to do. Shortly afterwards, he left too.

I did feel a little bad. I had effectively bumped off a real date with one guy for an incredibly brief exchange with someone who by now is probably a little scared of me. I messaged PM(ish) first thing on Monday morning to both apologise again and tried to reschedule. Immediately, I could feel the shift in his responses which had become shorter and less timely. My suggestion to rearrange was met with the response of I’m busy this week. I tried to call, which went unanswered, later followed up with a message to say he’d call again the next day. He didn’t.

Out of respect, I left him to call in his own time but didn’t hear anything until he messaged me six days later on Tuesday 3 December, essentially calling things off. A lengthy message at that. He said he’d backed off because I didn’t seem interested (despite me being apologetic and trying to reschedule). He said he’d been notified that I was back on Bumble although a) I never actually left (nor did I claim to do so) but also wasn’t active on it, just present, and b) surely, he could only have received a notification if he was still on it himself? I stated these points in an even lengthier message to him and after a couple of short follow ups from both of us, that was the last time we spoke. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to that Christmas party after all.

Even while writing this piece, I’ve re-read some of the messages to ensure that I’m reporting the timeline correctly and being outside of the situation now, there were certainly some red flags that I’d missed the first time around. There were other comments he’d made along the way, too numerous to detail, that eluded to some worrying tendencies and didn’t entirely sit right with me. His self-confessed enthusiasm issues were apparent and I can’t help but feel that the whole Christmas party invite was an attempt to lure me into believing the situation was leading to something serious. Or maybe he really did just like me and I messed it up with my cynicism.

In many respects I am very grateful because technically, technically, I got what I wanted and more. I spent much of 2019 declaring my desire to go on at least one date with Premier Man. And seeing as I only ever referred to him by his first name, then I suppose I did, 3.5 dates in fact (yes, half a date for intentions). I now know that I just need to be much, MUCH more specific with my intentions, from here on and to truly be careful what I wish for.