It’s the tenth day of a brand new decade, so I’ll skip over the past reflections/future resolutions blah blah that comes with this time of year*.

Instead, I will refer to my last yoga session of 2019. My teacher of choice typically begins by encouraging us to set our intentions for the practice and for December’s class, she let us do this by drawing from a pack of guidance cards. Each one carries a specific meaning and/or message depicted in an illustration, which you can decipher from the accompanying guide book.

I’d drawn a pair of ‘rose-tinted love glasses’, which I assumed was a warning to be less of an idealist with my outlook on life but conversely, encouraged me to put them on and view things in soft focus, with more of a romantic perspective. It suggested I reconsider any circumstances that I’m currently viewing in harsh lighting and write a love letter to the situation, in an attempt to look at it from a refreshed and more favourable angle.

Depending on your belief standpoint, today is pretty auspicious. This evening’s sky will be graced with the Wolf Moon, so called by Native Americans for being the full moon that occurs in January, the time of year when the howling of wolves outside their camps could be heard the most. With the Wolf Moon falling in the month of January, naturally it’s the first full moon of the year and today, it’s coupled with the first lunar eclipse of 2020, which will darken the moon’s hue slightly as it passes through the earth’s shadow.

Some may agree that the pairing of these events makes this is a great day to set new intentions, marking the point of a change in outset and energy, potentially leading to new outcomes and achievements.

Seems like as good a day as any to heed the suggestion of my guidance card. I’ve donned my metaphorical pink specs, now here goes my love letter:

FAO: The Wolf Moon of 10 January 2020

It was hard not to notice how beautifully you shone today. My first glance of you was just of your outer glow peering above a building. I actually first thought it was just a light on the roof of the tall block but after turning a corner and viewing you in full, I realised it was your own lunar luminosity brightening the sky.

Goodness knows, the past 12 months have been difficult at times. I spent much of 2019 trying to convince myself that certain situations would get better in such and such days/weeks/months/etc. More often than not, they didn’t.

It’s only in November that I started to accept that most of the feelings of failure that plagued me were actually down to the unrealistically high expectations I had set. At the point of accepting that the demands I placed on myself and simultaneous home/health/body/relationship/work goals that I was trying to achieve weren’t feasible, I started to feel relief. These personal goals are all very much within my reach but trying to smash them all at once was taking it’s toll and worse – making me feel inadequate.

I can’t quite pin point what caused the switch but certainly, in November I decided enough was enough. I just didn’t want to feel incapable anymore. Much of this is attributable to the realisation that for all that I didn’t fully achieve in 2019, I am pleased to say that I am definitely not in the same position ending the year, as I was when it started.

No, I do not own my own home but it’s been a lengthy process with some delays and ultimately, the end is very much in sight. So much so that I’m readying myself for the refurb work I’ve been planning. All being well, I’ll get started the day after completion and this’ll be a huge step towards curating my dream home.

No, I have not reached what I personally regard as an ideal body composition for myself but the health journey I’ve embarked on has seen me develop good habits, established an enjoyable fitness routine and started to put in place a reasonable and sustainable regime going forward.

No, I don’t have the life partner I seek but this time last year, as incredibly optimistic as I was, I could never have envisaged that not only would I meet Premier Man but also managed to leave a lasting impression on him (whether it’s a good or bad one, only he knows but still). I dated a little, none of them worked out, which in some respects is a shame but on the other hand, is just part of the journey. The real disaster would’ve been if I couldn’t even get to the point of meeting someone face to face. Sure, it was hard work but it’s all a process. With each match, I learn a little more about what I do and don’t want in a partner. And with every left swipe, I’m filtering the pool of men. This can only bring me closer to finding my true match.

No, my work hasn’t progressed as seamlessly as I envisaged it could but much like my personal life, I tend to over-commit. My role is varied, often with disparate tasks and conflicting deadlines. Some areas have lagged at times but I believe I have more than excelled in my other duties. Allowing a few setbacks to skew my overall judgement of my ability to do my job is incredibly unjust to my other achievements. I’ve started to dwell less on the parts that aren’t going well, instead tackling them with gusto to bring them up to par with the successful elements of my role and I’m already beginning to feel more optimistic about my future career development and prospects.

Collectively, my goals have inched towards the finishing line. Their positions are very much staggered at the moment but also very much out of the starting blocks. I’m streamlining my approach and narrowing my focus to just one or two at a time but I’ve rediscovered just how capable I am and that is the real win.

So, on this day Wolf Moon, I’m grateful to have witnessed you, grateful to have acknowledged your beauty and grateful to embrace all that you represent both spiritually and astronomically.

Looking forward to continuing on my journey of self-discovery, self-growth, self-love and receiving all that 2020 has to offer me x

*Okay, yeah, I know, pretty reflectivey-resolutiony in the end…..