With the mention of the word ‘hinge’, the image that comes to mind is a swinging door toing and froing. I don’t really know what the rationale is behind the name of the app but I’m currently on Hinge. I’d been putting it off for so long, finally succumbing at the end of July, which I guess is a little past the halfway point of the year and the moment you realise that unless you step it up now, it’s almost certain that you will complete 2019 as a singleton (spoiler alert: I did).

In some ways swinging doors might be the perfect metaphor because for all the opportunities I’ve created in opening them, they just keep reverting back to closed. I started out very, very cautiously. For one, it took me about three days to setup my profile, three whole days. I don’t really take selfies and generally avoid being caught on camera, which meant that the first task of identifying six suitable images that would showcase me in the best light wasn’t an easy one. But then the ante was upped when I needed to complete three conversation prompts and it’s this bit that took up the bulk of my deliberations. There are so many questions to choose from, too many in fact. Some were questions I could answer about me, others offered the opportunity to ask questions of potential candidates. There are chances to make some kind of statement and there are some to start debates on any topic of your choosing. Once you’ve kind of narrowed down what you want to share with/know about potentials, you then have to determine how much you want to divulge/learn. I opted for sharing little snippets of myself with, I believe, enough of a teaser to encourage guys to probe further if they wish. Let me tell you right now, they do not. People frequently say men are visual creatures, with the primal instinct to judge a female’s partnering suitability based almost solely on her physical appearance. Whatever I wrote for those prompts meant squat to the majority of guys, their only interest was in imagery, not words.

Statistically, black women are the least desired group of candidates on dating apps and then if you throw in the fact that I’m currently still a fair bit chubby, I can’t help but feel like I’m essentially at the bottom section of the bottom of the list. A controversial analysis perhaps but the fact that the acronym “BBW” even exists supports the notion that being a bigger than average woman suggests that you fall into a category, in which case you may only appeal to a specific group of males who are seeking your ‘type’. Of course I’m not saying that I am in any way unappealing but I do recognise that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of caramel-syruped-hot cocoa.

In late September (note, almost three quarters into the year), I decided to cast my net a little wider and signed up to Bumble. This app is currently more widely known than Hinge and from what I’ve seen, the number of men subscribed are plentiful but the calibre, unfortunately, isn’t any better. In fact, many of those I’d seen on Hinge were also here, which was tricky because I now needed to use a large amount of memory recall to establish whether or not I’d already tried to match with them on Hinge. For fear of looking like a keeno-desperado, I rejected most.

So did anything come from my endeavours? Well yes, from Hinge I met with two guys, one of which progressed to a second date. Bumble also facilitated the chance to meet with two guys, one of which progressed to 3.5 dates. What’s half a date I hear you ask? Well, we had a fourth date scheduled but I cancelled it, both with good reason (for me) and with plenty of notice (for him). Despite my apologetic text the following day with a request to reschedule, we didn’t meet again. Given the lengthy message he sent a week or so later calling things off, this didn’t turn out to be a bad thing.

That was in early November and the point where I wanted to withdraw from dating apps for a bit. It’s all good and well when you connect with someone and it flows (at least initially) and you get to the point of meeting but these encounters are few and far between. I just find the bit in between is particularly draining. Conversations are either short-lived, one-sided, half-hearted, incomprehensible, a combination of any and in the most exasperating cases, all of them! With so little gained from my efforts and the resultant disappointment, it’s honestly exhausting.

At the moment, I’m a lot less cautious about the apps but probably with the same level of scepticism. I’m still on Hinge for now, with the door slightly ajar should anyone be brave enough to open it fully. Bumble can buzz off though!