Uncharacteristically for me, the last few posts have come through thick and fast. My main motivation for this was wanting to publish this specific piece but I felt the groundwork really needed to be laid out. By now, you’re up to date on the other happenings of this year, I’ve tried to reset the canvas in terms of emotional and spiritual ties and the preparations for welcoming ‘The One’ are still ongoing but progressing nicely.

What more is there to add? Well, with all else that was going on I have, for want of a better word, a crush. Some might argue that I’m far too old to have such a thing but the circumstances do not lend themselves to be summarised by a better word. Even in writing this piece, it feels a little schoolgirlish but if I’m trying to honestly document a journey here, then some parts of the route cannot be left out.

Let me start by saying that of course, this is very much a one-sided story, in that the other person simply exists. They haven’t reciprocated any such feelings, nor did I expect them to. I would be elated if they ever did but it would also be certain proof that miracles can happen.

As it turns out, the person in question is someone who is in the public eye. Their career to date, a successful one at that, is incredibly longstanding and they’ve done various bits of work, which has amassed them a decent following (and rightly so). We’ll call him Premier Man (because he’s definitely in the top league!).

Sometimes you’re just moved to do things. After enjoying a body of their work in December last year, the obligation for me to reach out was too much to resist. I messaged him on Insta and to my delight, he replied! And relatively quickly too. I’m aware that many people do not necessarily look after their own social accounts, so I wasn’t taking the fact that he’d responded as any kind of signal to pursue it further but I did feel sweet all the same.

At this point, it’s worth mentioning that prior to that message I had never met Premier Man but as the new year approached, the feeling that I would do so in 2019 was overwhelming. I couldn’t find the words to explain it properly and any time I expressed this to my nearest and dearest, they just responded with a look of ‘yeah, right!’. He lives in London, solving half of the battle. As it happens, there are less than six degrees of separation between us although none of those connections were strong enough to act on. Later in the year, I would discover a new connection a little closer to home but at the time, any chance of meeting him would need to be achieved on my own merits.

But I did it. I ended up meeting him a few times actually: the first at a talk he was doing in February; next at a party he hosted in March, where I was chosen to attend following a competition I entered; then at a fitness class a couple of days later, when he’d thrown out an open invitation to join in (not specifically to me but to his followers, so that we’re clear). I would then meet him twice more after this.

The last but one time I saw him was in June and at a place that he frequently visits and is on my route to work. To my knowledge, this is the first time he’s been there at the time of me passing by and I seized the opportunity to say hi. It had been three months since the fitness class, I can’t imagine how many other people he’s encountered during this time but I felt the need to state that we’d previously met, to which he replied “yeah, I remember, you came to the party!”. He both remembered me and could place where we’d met and this almost floored me. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome so kept it brief and swiftly continued my journey to work.

Almost a week later, I saw a mutual friend (the last discovered connection between us), who told me that he’d seen Premier Man a few days prior and he’d mentioned that I’d said hi. This was my second flooring of the week. I was too shocked to ask sensible questions like, ‘what did he say?’, ‘how did I come up in conversation?’ or ‘did he seem interested/disinterested/weirded out?’. Instead, we just continued our conversation and it was here that I declared that if I ever happened to see Premier Man again, I’d ask him out. Now, considering I had been passing his frequent spot for the past nine months without so much of a glimpse of him, I really wasn’t expecting to see him again so soon but sure enough, 13 days later, he was there.

True to my words, I asked him out. In possibly the most awkward way and under the least favourable conditions, in that there was no real preamble, no warming banter to bounce off, and for a moment, he wasn’t even entirely clear what exactly it was that I was asking. Plus this was in front of a small audience, in a deafeningly silent environment, leaving them no other option but to eavesdrop. I left him with my number all the same. I can’t even imagine what the conversational aftermath was after I left but I do know this was possibly one of the most cringe inducing experiences, for the both of us. And as you’ve probably guessed, he did not call.

In this life, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. I’ve learnt that many a time during my 30+ years so far and mostly the hard way. But what is meant for you, won’t pass you. I can do no more than to let fate’s plan pan out as it intends to and if we are to cross paths again, the reason for this will present itself when it’s good and ready.

For now though, he knows I exist. It’s a start, at least. I’ll take it!