You are what you attract, right? Isn’t that how the saying goes?

In a conversation with my sister about three years ago, when she was dealing with a douche of a dude, she asked me “why do I keep attracting these guys?”, to which I immediately responded, “the problem isn’t that you keep attracting these guys but that you keep letting them stay”.

In talking to a friend a few weeks ago, reflecting on my time with The Vegan, I referenced a previous and similar experience with H-Ex, which prompted her to ask “what do you think it is about you that attracts this type of man?”. Hearing these words took me right back to a radio show where they discussed this very topic and the host’s conclusion was this: “If you keep attracting people that are waste, then there’s something waste in you”.

Now the delivery is a bit harsh but the sentiment is correct. I don’t for one minute think that he was ultimately saying that anyone deserves to be mistreated at any point in their life. However, we do need to look inwards when we are presented with people who possess certain characteristics that do not sit well with our own, yet we proceed to spend the time trying to see how best we can make a relationship work with them, despite the very obvious misfit of our personalities.

The conversation with my friend forced me to start to assess myself a bit more. As a keen believer in self-development and improvement, I’m always ready to explore the ways that I can become a better me. I thought I was already doing okay but perhaps I wasn’t being honest enough. I still struggle with my weight, which at times will cause me to feel less confident in my appearance. I’d like to buy my first property and though I’ve started to put this in motion, I certainly could accelerate the process. Of course, these two are not reasons for me to not be happy but as personal goals of mine, they are a marker to myself of where I am versus where I want to be. And perhaps, being that bit closer to my chosen destination will also bring me closer to meeting my partner.

I reflected on each of my experiences with previous partners/love interests and particularly with the resurfacing and revelations that had taken place this year, I decided I needed to close the door to the past on all planes.

A quick dash to She’s Lost Control was needed, where I purchased some spiritual bleach. The name made me chuckle but in essence, it was just what I needed. I wanted to reset my home to clear it of the energy of those I wanted to firmly place in the past and send an invitation to welcome those with good hearts, souls and intentions.

I spritzed, spritzed, spritzed my home with the stuff and followed up with the palo santo smudging. Even if the physical smoke does nothing but scent my home, I wanted to symbolise that I truly am ready to move forward with my life.

With the reset in place, I look forward to moving onwards and upwards. And so, here it is, in plain writing. All that I am, which in turn, I hope translates to attracting all that I want:

• I love to laugh – it’s good for the entire soul. A sense of humour is a must and the sillier, the better
• I counterbalance the silliness – got to mix it up a little. In the pauses between the laughter, it’s nice to be able to address more serious topics. Doesn’t have to be too deep but I’m definitely not interested in shallow conversations either
• My body is my (work in progress) temple – health is wealth. It may not be apparent externally (yet) but I love fitness. I work out regularly, eat relatively well and am always striving to do better in both areas. Having someone who shares these goals too would be a joy
• My family are my everything – we’re close knit and well bonded. I realise this isn’t the case for everyone but my person will need to understand the importance of family to me and share the notion of wanting to spend quality time with loved ones
• I know thyself – myself and I are very well acquainted. By this, I mean I can be honest about all that I am and all that I am not. In an ideal world, he will know himself too. That way we can both be genuine about what we’re bringing to the table and hopefully, neither of us will take away more than has been allotted to the us
• Companionship is a want, not a need – as well as knowing myself, I actually like myself. I’m comfortable with who I am, so me seeking a partner is about sharing a part of me, who I like, rather than finding someone to fill any gaps and/or conceal the parts that I don’t
• My peace is precious – I’ve never really fallen out with anyone, not even exes. That doesn’t make me a people-pleaser, I just respect others’ boundaries and am protective of my own
• Love is at my core – I was made from love, to love and be loved (no further explanation needed)