This year is determined to pass by in a fleeting whirl of work meetings, work deadlines, actual work and more exercise classes than my wallet really should be facilitating.

I’ve been a busy, busy bee, which means for the most part, I haven’t actually put much effort into dating but that’s not to say that there hasn’t been other bits going on.

I think the best thing to do is to group these by case, since the timelines are all over the place and the chronological order would probably only be best understood with the aid of a diagram, which I’m not talented enough to conjure up.

17-in 1
Not had a date for a while? Why not try 17 in one night! Yeah, I went to a speed dating event in March. Much like online dating, I’d always thought it wasn’t for me and that someone like myself wouldn’t really generate a connection with anyone in the incredibly tight time-frame of four whole minutes. What was interesting though, was how much this length of time ‘varied’ from one person to the next. For most of the candidates, four minutes was more than enough time to make a quick but comprehensive assessment but one guy managed to pique my interest enough to render the time insufficient. The feeling wasn’t mutual though so the event didn’t result in an actual date and I can’t say I’m in any rush to repeat the experience but at least I tried it, right?

The Vegan
I’ve had very little contact with The Vegan this year, although there was one evening in March when he decided he’d pick me up to go for a drive. Reluctantly I agreed. I didn’t want to give the impression that rekindling the romance was a possibility and saw this as an opportunity to try and convey face to face just how serious I was in my pursuit to find a long-term partner. So much so, that I actually told him that I intended to go to the aforementioned speed dating event. This didn’t go down too well at the time, understandably, however, it didn’t stop him from dropping in to see me relatively unannounced a few weeks later. He messaged me to ask what I was doing and being the honest soul that I am, I said I was at home. A foolish move in hindsight because in less than 10 minutes, he was knocking at my door. My honesty is coupled with politeness, so I let him in. We chatted for a short while but he soon took the opportunity to try taking the evening from conversational to physical. The harder he tried, the less enthused I was and once he realised I was unrelenting, he left. I’ve often maintained that friendship with an ex is possible but that relies on a mutual understanding of the current situation and the boundaries between you, which we don’t have. As far as The Vegan believes, I don’t hate him, which to his mind means there’s always going to be a window of opportunity to dip into old habits. It made me realise that at some point, I’m going to have to make it much clearer that this isn’t the case…..and probably cease all contact.

The Historical Ex (H-Ex)
He hasn’t featured in any posts so far. We met in college many, many years ago and as is the case for a lot of young men, he enjoyed us spending time together but didn’t want to commit to being in a relationship, despite our deeply rooted connection. A casual arrangement wasn’t of interest to me and eventually we went our separate ways but over time, would find our way back to each other. In fact, I couldn’t accurately tell you how many times we reconnected over a 10-year period but I do know that ties were eventually severed in 2013. The details are academic after so long but it did irreversibly change my trust in our connection and his perceived respect for me. He did make an attempt of re-establishing the friendship in 2015, which I did not entertain for a moment. And I honestly believed that would be the last I’d hear from him…..until April of this year. He got in touch on Facebook Messenger, simply asking how I was. I replied and returned the gesture, to which he said he was fine. And that was it. After four years of silence, he had come out of hiding only to say hi, see how I’m doing and no more. This annoyed me. Not because I actually wanted anything more from him but there was probably some sort of thought process that would have preceded him actually getting to the point of hitting send on that message. I felt like my peace had been disturbed for very little gain on his part. He said nothing else, so neither did I…..until 7 June, when he ventured further and sent an FB friend request. I’m a firm believer in upfront conversations, so I asked him outright what he wanted. He said he missed me. I can’t say I felt the same but continued to press further to understand what exactly he was hoping would happen next. To me, he didn’t appear to have the intentions to make amends for our falling out or even attempt to put in the effort to convince me that he understood my apprehension to reconnect, yet again. Having spent so long letting people’s words sway me over their actions, I wasn’t about to be tricked into what felt like a miniscule attempt to reconcile our friendship. After a few days of me grilling him, I heard nothing further. Life’s too short to be second guessing people’s intentions and if you’re not willing to show me you mean well, with words backed up by actions, then I’ll assume that you don’t, and will keep my distance. Next…..

Mr 4,000
On Tuesday 9 April, pretty much five days after the initial resurface of H-Ex, another revelation occurred. On my bus ride to the office, I tend to have a quick scope of my work emails and socials. I’d barely begun to scroll down my FB wall when I saw a pic of Mr 4,000 and his girlfriend. It wasn’t a post by him though, he had been tagged by his mother, which she had captioned as “my son and my new daughter”. Of course, it was exactly as it appeared to be but I wanted to be certain. I ventured on to his page and sure enough, there were a whole bunch of pics of the two of them, with a few more of him with his friends, at what seemed to be a party that had taken place over the weekend, celebrating his engagement! Let’s pause for a moment while we cast our minds back to only January of this year, when I last saw him and I outwardly asked him what the situation was with his girlfriend, where he stated that he didn’t want to talk about it. At the time, I’d wrongly assumed that there were problems and out of respect, refrained from prying further but as it transpires, not wanting to ruin his chances of getting some international loving would be more in line with the truth, I think. With this revelation, I’m even more grateful that I didn’t overstep any boundaries during his visit. I previously said that I didn’t think I will see him again and I can say with all certainty now that following a congratulatory farewell text (I like to keep it classy) and a swift unfriending on FB, I definitely will not be seeing him again. Ever.

That concludes what feels like a roundup of my encounters with the ghosts of boyfriends past. Onwards to more positive happenings over the last few months.