The Vegan. This shall be his name. I’m assuming no further explanation is required, right?

After all my previous attempts to meet someone different and new, I (re)connected with a guy who I’ve known of (as in, know but don’t quite ‘know’, you know?) for about 23 years. Twenty-three years! At a guess, the last time we actually saw each other was maybe 15 years ago.

Long story short I bumped into him, knowing full well who he was immediately but since he hadn’t recognised me, I didn’t let on. He asked me for my number and I responded by fessing up and reminding him that we’d previously met, had mutual friends and were already on each other’s lists on Facebook, which surprised him.

This chance meeting happened way back in January so yeah, I am well overdue with writing this post. The truth is, I’ve started it and revisited it many, many times for months now. Added bits, chopped chunks, reread and rearranged it almost to the point that the article you’re reading now bears no relation to the first iteration. It is though, possibly a true reflection on how I was coping with this relationship – which is to say that I wasn’t…..I was struggling…..

I wanted someone hardworking, which he is. Someone who communicates regularly, which he did. Someone with a real appreciation for the family unit, which he has. Someone with shared or similar interests (especially since I was observing Veganuary at the time of meeting), a good sense of humour, is enterprising…..the list of his good traits could really go on.

So what’s the problem, right? Well, the Vegan’s line of work requires him to work in shift patterns, meaning that his availability will change from one week to the next. I have no issue with this and am fully supportive of the super early starts that almost equate to late nights up and the late finishes which pretty much only leaves with you wholly un-vegan kebabs as a dining option if you plan to eat out. Coupled with his extra entrepreneurial endeavours, this impacted on both the times I got to see him and the regularity.

I can see that it seems like I’m complaining because he didn’t get to take me out much. And yes, in a roundabout way, I am. Nothing to do with me wanting to be constantly wine and dined, of course, I’m more than happy to pay the bill. But in the absence of partaking in activities together outside of the bedroom, how do you go about getting to know each other?

We seemed to reach the 5-years-together level of comfortability really quickly, which all in all wasn’t a bad thing but to have gotten there only 3 months down the line was a lot sooner than I would’ve liked and it also meant that the progression during the last 7 months had somewhat halted.

I’d attributed much of this to the fact that we already knew of each other before getting together. The early days of dating are for discovering new morsels of information about each other, learning a new fact with each meeting and mentally sorting the data to establish if you’re ultimately a good match. Most importantly, you’re trying to figure out how much of a nutter the other person is. Having first met each other so long ago and with a handful of current mutual friends, we skipped over this essential early stage and were subsequently paying the price for it. At least I believed so. Because we reached as far as November and in many ways, I feel like we still only knew of each other.

The Vegan didn’t really share my concerns. In fact, he was pretty happy with the course that our relationship was on. Being the person I am, I was always willing to talk about how I felt things were going, and to someone else who thinks everything’s pretty much okay already, this just meant that I came across as nagging and ultimately, the conversation was never had.

But I’m on a mission right? This isn’t an excuse to try and rush things but I think at times, he felt I was trying to push things along at a pace faster than he was used to. My argument is that after a certain point in your life, having been through one or two unsuccessful relationships and a handful of not so great dates, you kind of get a firm idea of what it is that you’re looking for, which also means that you pretty much know what it is that you it is that you’re not looking for.

What I shared with the Vegan was special in its own way. I’d grown to really like him, even fallen for him, and I’m still sometimes shocked that this relationship had developed from a chance meeting after 20+ years of acquaintanceship. He’s a good person, I’m super attracted to him and he holds the qualities I would expect from a partner. I’m just not sure that our relationship expectations were aligned, which eventually, would only lead to disappointment in the long run…..to be continued