Once you’ve acknowledged that online dating has become remarkably more acceptable these days, you then have to go about actually creating your profile. Having done this just once so far, I can only comment from the perspective of completing one on OkCupid.

Step 1: upload a photo – obviously.

Is it though? To me, it’s absolute common sense that if you’re going to try and sell your wares, you should start with a photo.

Selfies are not my thing. It works for some folk but there’s something so painfully forced about mine, so in choosing my own profile picture, I struggled a little. I’m just not one to really volunteer myself for pictures. Most of my moments captured are when out with groups of friends and very few of the images I have access to are just of me. But with some careful cropping and a bit of creative angling, I managed to cobble together a few snaps to dress the window that is my profile page. Great!

However, there are a few men who have opted to skip this step altogether, displaying only the default avatar image. Trying to be open minded, I wonder if these guys are so devastatingly handsome, they prefer not to attract suitors based on their delectable exterior, and attempt to lure a lady who will judge them solely on their personality. Possibly not the case though.

Then there are those who showcase something different entirely, where they themselves still do not feature. The most notable examples that come to mind are burgers (as in more than one person has a picture of just a burger, rather than one man with a few meaty buns), landscapes (cute but no thanks), and the winner – a dirty grey carpet. The floor. Just floor. With rolled up bits of fluff on it, needing a good vacuum….. I’m sorry, what?!? Skip, skip, skip these guys, it’s just too weird.

These of course, are the vast minority of offerings. Marginally better ones still have some way to go though. The pose might be complimentary and smile captivating but no due care has been given to the background. What is going on with those empty crisps packets? Why is the bed unmade? Are the work toilets the only opportunity to snap yourself? With the toilet lid open, at that?

Socialising is probably one of the most frequently
cited pastimes. It’s believable when listed in the write up but why the need to promote your friends as well as yourself? At times it feels like a ploy to get ladies to click through to a profile and figure out just which one of the 2-6 guys in the photo, you are. Some do aid in this by blocking out/blurring/sticking emojis on the faces of others. Could just as easily use another photo, I would’ve thought.

When there are only two subjects, one of which is a woman, it’s a little more obvious who the profile belongs to. But enlighten me, are we gals supposed to superimpose our heads onto the body of this female? As a way to test our physical suitability together? No? Well, who is the lady friend then? Sister possibly, maybe a BFF but some pics are just a little tooooo close for comfort, and the likelihood is that it’s an ex-girlfriend. Whoever she may be, it doesn’t do much for the attraction levels, in fact quite the opposite.

Of course, there are a whole host of other less than appealing scenarios but these I just put down to a matter of personal preference. For me, naked torsos do nothing, fully naked bodies even less so. Blurred pics are just lazy, while images that need a 90° rotation baffle me (and clearly also the uploader). And I can’t help but question those who attempted to crop a picture, took a screenshot mid-process and then presented this instead, an incomplete project including the intended trim lines.

Thankfully, there are still a good many more that are good enough to intrigue and encourage me to venture to their page for a read. Generally, these are not too showy, sell you, not your car (yes, really). Not too serious looking, often smiling but not mandatory. Fully clothed, unless on a beach. Not lying down, unless in a hammock.

I promise, I’m not fussy, I just like what I like.